Improving Communication Skills

Communication is a skill, you can imagine doing ninja backflips, but your body won't be able to do it without practice. There's three mechanisms at play.

linguistic skill
assumptions
not being calm

Linguistic Cortex

Ideas form in multiple parts of the brain, while communicating these ideas gets pushed through one part of the brain that needs training in order to communicate.

write things out, via journal writing, blogging
clarify ideas, via roleplay, using a sound board, rehearsal

Assumptions

You go into the conversation with a different understanding and have to be emphatic and envision where the other person current is. I struggle the most with assumptions as I assume that people have the context I'm thinking of, while in reality they have no freaking clue.

Calm the Mind

Slow the mind, slow the brain, slow the speech, so you have time to think about the other person's view.

Practice Examples

Recording Yourself Speak

Review the audio: what do you like/don't like?
Mute, then review the visual cues: body language, facial expressions, ...
Transcribe: red highlight all filler words

Texting

Sending messages is about convenience, it's not a direct connection (such as a phone call).

The purpose of texting is to understand the other person, represent yourself, and communicate your wants. The more you try to control the other person through the texts you send, the more resentful you become, and the harder it is to properly read texts.

Lying

It's all about control, even when lying to yourself. Controlling the actions of another human being.

What's at stake?
How comfortable are they with the consequences of their actions? Do they own up to their mistakes?
Does the person need to control me?
Do they respond with activated ego? Do they have an in-congruent affect?

If you want them to stop lying to you, present the idea of safety to them so they can feel comfortable coming clean to you.